40 Minutes until Prison Break

40 Minutes until Prison Break starts.......... Mmm update....

I have been reading so many blogs lately and not commenting, and have not even wanted to step foot on my own blog site!! Why!!! i find myself boring at the moment!! Actually i think i am a little lost!

I have no balance in my life right now and i think that is making my mind unbalanced well of course it is!!!

It is so god damn hard to get into a rountine!! I really really want to start going back to the gym as i have not been in so damn long and im trying to think when????? when will i go??? most mornings i start work at 7.3o in the morning and work until well our latest night is 7.30. i get an hour and half lunch break but thats when i come home and relax and do my washing etc!!! i don't want to be going and working my arse off in my lunch break to then go back to work tired.. does that make sense??

Arrrghghghghhghghghghghghghghghghhghghghghgggg Mmmmmm if only i could actually do that in real life and my neightbours think im not being murdered!!

I went to my sisters on the weekend , and spend the weekend with her!! that was really nice, i need to be close to her at the moment, and know that she is ok and coping with everything, i won't delve in to deep at the moment, but just needed to get that off my chest!

Rinda i just want to send out a big huge thank you to you babe! Our long phone conversations have been very helpful and i love you to bits girl!!!!!

For you who read me I meet rinda when i firsted moved to Bendigo and she was my saviour!! :) we use to wag classes together and it was heaps of fun, at the end of my year 12 i ran away and didn't tell her so we lost contact! One day i was walking in the market place and she was walking towards me, it was great, the universe brought her to me again!! and since then she has been a sister to me through all our troubled times and our good times i appreciate that! babe big hugs and kisses...

Im finding it really hard to live with my brother at the moment and i think alot of that has to do with me! He has a girlfriend and i feel like the 3rd wheel really!!! I think im jealous that he has found happiness and here i am moping around with noone about to enrol in the school of NUNS!!! I think i have already been accepted, just have to go to confession and ill be there :)

My darling lil sebbie is so wonderful.. i have brought him his bike and he loves it, except that he has realised if he stands on the seat he can change the channel on the TV.. Cheeky he is!! He started in his new room at creche at the start of the week they grow up so quickly.. he is being a real parrot, and the other day his dad said Oh shit and he copied it!! so i really have to tone down on using the F word i tell you!!!

Sheree thank you for you gift voucher and yes i did use it on myself i went and brought myself some new tops from Target today! :) one of them i really love its off the shoulder white with red dots on it!! for you know me well I LOVE RED!!! its just beautiful i will have to get a photo of it and put it on the blog!!! I did some retail therapy today, i know i will pay for it, but i got some new shoes for work also Hush Puppies awww they are devine so damn comfortable and brought myself a whole new stock of Bonds Jocks!! Bonds is all i will wear, for those who don't have a pair go buy some you will fall inlove i surely have!!!

Well better go and get my popcorn LOL and get ready for prison break!

I will try and update more frequently maybe i need reminders on my phone :) LOL can't wait until i can tell my phone to cook me tea and it will :)

Shoes that Squeak !!

Tell me what you think!!

I have a found a site that sells shoes that squeak when a child walks! The squeak can be turned off, but i just wanted you to have a look at some pictures of a couple pair of the shoes and tell me if you would considering buying them!!! Or if you know anyone that would buy them show your friends show whoever I NEED LOTS OF FEEDBACK PLEASE!!!

They are made of geniun leather

Blurr describes my mood

I have had a blur weekend!! I coming down with conjunctivtis and god damn my eye is itching. i feel sorry for lil bubbas who get, i can't even stand it! i am such a sook!!

I had an awesome weekend with my sebastyn catching with friends and just chilling out at home. He even slept in for me this morning and layed on the couch with me until 10.30 snuggling up to me which was good. maybe he knew he was going to his daddies tonite.. I am finding it really hard at the moment saying good bye once my week is over! Think its because he is talking so much more even though he doesn't listen to you, but he has so much more personality and i love it!!!

Im cooking a roast at the moment.. Mmmmm yum i can smell on the yummy flavours can't wait to eat it!!!

The rain has been awesome.... and the smell of rain is one of my favourite smells.....

Its funny i have been thinking lately about stuff i do and wonder if there is anything WEIRD that you do. So if you do let me know.... I have three things i do that i think are silly..

1. i rub my feet together when i go to sleep think its a comfort thing.

2. at every sink in my house i have hand wash... ever since seb was born i must have clean hands.. don't they call that obssessive compulsive Disorder????

3. every time i go to the toilet i must put toilet paper in the bowl.. no matter if its No 1's or 2's..

Im a freak i think :) hehehehe...

Would love to hear from you all

Am i a tennis Junky?

The black bags under my eyes have increasingly got larger as this week has worn on! Not only because i have worked 40 hour shifts at work for the past 3 weeks, but because the tennis has been on... Yes i love my tennis! and because the men play at nite they have not been finishing until 12 - 1 in the morning, so it has all caught up on me!!

I have taught seb to do the "come on" and it is sooo cute!!!! I went to the aussie open last year and lined up in the garnier line in 45 degree heat for an hour... just to get a free garnier show bag but it was worth it :) and my hair done :)

I am catching up with a friend of mine tomorrow Kristen and her sone Malik :) named after a cricketer...... he was born on the same day as seb and we shared a room together in hospital :) i have not seen them for about 6 months so i am looking forward to it :)

I need to get out and socialise more often outside the club scene :) Im to old :) hehehehe and so over it i have decided !!!!

Well must get back to the game as there was a break to close the roof.. enjoy the weekend everyone stay cold and behave LOL

Beckie and Ails hope you enjoyed your salsa tonite would love to join your girls one nite :)

Relaxed to the max

I just want to give a huge thank you to my darling brother chris and g/friend Awwwiiii for there beautiful birthday present to me.. I got a 75 min stone massage and facial at silk and have just got home complety relaxed and smelling beautiful. It was devine....... what a great way to start my day ..

Thanks heaps guys

xxxxxx

I can Flirt :)

What a weekend of ups and downs i have had!! Friday nite was awesome. went out with a few friends ( so wished you could of come beckie ) and had an absolute ball!!! Didn't get home until 4.30 in the morning and had to drive to melbs on sat so was pretty rat shit on sat i tell you!! Anyways one of the girls i was out with is friends with a bouncer who decided to come and play with us once we knocked off work and wow he is sooo hot and i had the best time flirting with him. i honestly didnt know i had it in me, but i do and god damn did it feel good to have someone flirt back. Pity he has a girlfriend though!!! I enjoyed my flirt and i think i have the confidence to do it some more!!

Saturday after 5 hours sleep it was time to go to melbs for my step sisters 21st i so wanted to stay home and should have!!! after driving all the way to melbs we hit the eastern freeway and everything was brought to a stand still as they are doing road works down there there was only one fffinnnn lane!! i tell you i was not happy and then finally after 1 hour of driving which usually only takes 15 mins we got to my dads and once we turned up everyone decided to leave.. Do i smell???? but anyways i got back on the drink and had a good time with my sis and stuff!!!

What else has been happening, i need to get my arse into gear and start doing some exercise thats what i need to do other wise all my hard work will be worth nothing!!! Im just torn between two minds at the moment and exercise is not a priority at the moment.

Well guys the tennis is on and i love it so im going to go and chill out with a drink and watch the tennis...... i get my lil man tomorrow nite and i can't wait......

this is me and my best friend rinda on friday nite

this is me and rinda and brooke on friday nite

seb fell asleep with his hands over his eyes on the way to melbs on saturday it was so cute

This is my cheeky newphew taj.. xx

taj and i being silly

Happy Birthday to Me

Well im 25 today!! Mmmmm how am i feeling old. not a young 20 year old anymore!!! But I must admit i have been very spoilt today!!!

Where do i start!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Firstly i woke up to a text msg from Sebastyn and Sperm donor which was nice, then i opened up a card from my dad which has a pleasant surprise of some money because i really need some new bras and knickers. My sis and Taj called me and sang me happy birthday it was really cute...

My darling friend Sheree sent me some beautiful flowers to work and also gave me a voucher which i must spend on myself heheheh as i always have the habbit of spending them on seb..

Beautiful Becks made me this necklace which i can't wait to wear :) i have to buy myself something green to wear it with :)

My darling brother brought me a 7o min stone package at Silk day spa which i have booked in for next week i can't wait it is going to be so relaxing and also him and alli cooked my a roast lamb and it was sensational :) Best damn roast ever i tell you

My dearest friend Rinda brought me a ticket to John Mayer in April which i bloody can't wait for :) I am so damn excited i love john mayer its going to be awesome...

Work was wonderful they got me a cake and also got to knock off work early so spent some time with seb and he got me some scratchies and a tattslotto ticket so hopefully its a winner :)

I thank everyone for all there kind words and it was such a beautiful day i got so spoilt and it was worth turning 25 even though i cringe at the thought of being that age :)

Thoughts of the Moment

Oh my god im having a Posting obssession :) I just been doing lots of thinking since my last post and thought i would write it all down! Its been a year since me and "sperm donor" split, and what a battle that has been. I can't control my feelings anymore, my anger, my hurt and pain the happiness that the relationship brought me! (excuse the change of topic but i wish the possums would get off the damn roof )

Its so hard to believe that the happiness that we once had was gone in an instant! I know i had my faults too, and i know i shouldn't think what if but i do think wot if??? Where would i be today if we were still together, what would i be doing if we were still together, what if we were still together???

But then i think i should be grateful of what we had, because i have learnt alot about myself and i have a beautiful son that i treasure with all my heart. If i was with him today would i have the job that i have now? would i still be in Bendigo? would i be happy? would i have found out new things about myself? and for this i should be grateful for us breaking up, because i would be who i am today and i would have the things that i have today!!

I have finally stood up for myself and making a life for myself and not living out of someone elses pocket. Im not relying on someone to make the money and put the food on the table. Its me that is doing all of that, and knowing that i am doing this to the best of my ability, i am proud. Its hard being a single mum working and raising a child and trying to have a social life, having time to myself, all at once, but im doing it and i reconise now how much of a fantastic job i am doing. I shouldn't doubt myself, i don't have someone telling me everyday "God Vanessa your doing such a fantastic job"... and i do doubt myself but being here today and seeing what i achieved last year i shouldn't doubt myself anymore.

To have lost the weight that i have lost to date, even though i have a long way to go, to be coping with working full time and raising a child to having a roof over my head, late nites and sleepless nites, if i can cope with this i can achieve anything that i want to achieve!

I can do it attitude needs to be planted in my head. every morning when i wake up and look at myself in the mirror and know that i am going to do my job today to the best of my ability and know i have tried i should be proud. and im not just talking about my job, im talking my everything with my son, myself, my family, my friends, my day to day chores.

This year is going to bring bew begginings for me and new paths and new attitudes! I don't want to be a single mum for the rest of my life, i want to be a person who has achieved everything i set out to achieve, i want to be a somebody! I can be a somebody!!

If i wake up in the morning saying today is going to be a shit day well of course its going to be a shit day!! Im going to wake up with a smile every morning going what a lovely day it is today hail rain or shine!!!! Lifes to short to be sad and down on the world to feel sorry for ourselves. Things happen for a reason, people come and go in our lives for a reason, we learn from all of that!!

I have learnt a great deal, about my self confidence, my abilities and i thank you "sperm donor" for that because i wouldn't be the person i am today if we weren't together and i wouldn't have the beautiful son that i do today! Because all the challenges, the roller coaster road that we took i learnt from.

Nite

Off the Rails, and woffling on

Well only two more sleeps until i am quarter of a centuary old!! I am actually not looking forward to it at all!!! Why??? because i feel im getting old. Where did my child years go and early 20's??? mmmm I can't remember!!! Being a party goer, having a baby, working, Ohhh everything else in between!! what ever everything else is!!! To think back and look at photos of my life so far it is so amazing what your brain keeps in your head and the things that you don't remember or should i say don't want to remember!!

I only have a few baby photos of me from when i was little and to see how we change and grow into the person that we are today. Our bodies are so amazing!!

People have all these new years resolutions and i have been thinking about mine, and i really don't know what to say! firstly what i write i want to do, but at the moment i have no motivation so i will just keep thinking until i really know what i want to do and know that i will be able to do it. Its easier said then done for me at the moment, and i know if i put my mind to it i will do it!! but i don't know if my mind is ready to do it yet !! oh does that make sense??

Today my sister came and seen me on her way back from their holiday and we went out for lunch. I had the pleasant company of beckie and Bradman also!! Beckie you looked so devine today!! and your lil boy is just such a doll!!! if only my child would sit like yours :) LOL Please note that my child has been on red cordial all day :) hehehehe its only been since about 5 that he decided to pass out on the couch!!! i don't know where he gets his energy from i tell you!! My sister has a lil boy taj which i always talk about, anyways we all went in seperate cars and the whole way to lunch and the whole way back to my house seb was saying "taj taj taj" and taj was saying "where sebbie wheres sebbie". They are just so close and are so attached to each other it is just so cute but once they are apart they miss each other!! Funny lil buggers. Lee we should be so proud to have these two as our sons and nephews :) Its times like these that i wish our family was all in the same town and not so far away. My dad had been up for the last 2 days looking at seb and he loves hims "grumpy" my dads name to the child and when he left last nite he was so cranky that he had gone!!! I know we all grow up and we all have our own lives, but i love my family so much and i hate us all being apart!! So if you read this guys i miss yas all :)
It was nice having dad here and coming home to a clean kitchen etc especially after working!! i need a maid i think someone to clean and cook for me!! then i can come home relax and not have to worry!!!

My head is in 100 places at the moment and sometimes i don't know if i am coming or going! I don't know what direction in life i want to take!! i have come to a cross roads. I love my job very much and i love the people that i work with, but life is so short and i so feel like i am missing out on something, my heart is missing something, i don't know what it is though?????? It could be a mixture of things!! I hope soon that i can un jumble it all, or something happens that makes the decisions for me!! So many things that i want to do and so limited time and resources does make it hard!!! I would really love to back to school but when is the right time? I would love to travel the world but when is the right time? I would love to leave Bendigo, but when is the right time? I love my son very much but sometimes i think if i didn't have him things would be so much easier!!! I know that is horrible to say but having a son and shared care makes my decisions so much harder. Because i can't just up and leave, i can't just go to school, i can't just travel the world. I need to support him and myself and i need to be here for him!!!!!

When the timing is right i suppose i will know!!! maybe i won't go to school until im 50 who knows who knows what tomorrow will bring for me!!!

Well i think i have bored you all enough for the moment!!!

Time to go and read some blogs i think

Signing out
Ness