If we were meant to be

I had some stuff i needed to get off my chest so i wrote this poem

If we were meant to be my eyes would glitter with happiness
If we were meant to be my heart would be fulfilled
If we were meant to be i would feel love
If we were meant to be i would miss you when we are apart
If we were meant to be i would smile with joy
If we were meant to be i would melt with every touch
If we were meant to be i would be content
If we were meant to be i would know what true love is.

Please explain

I am a bit dumb founded at the moment. I had weigh in yesterday. After 3 days of drinking and partying and eating crap i managed to lose a kilo and a half and my body fat went down. I just don't understand how!!!! So i think i have to work extra hard this week to make sure i keep it off!!!

My weekend is going to be a cruiseee one!! i am going to Rindas house for a bbq tea tonite, as they haven't seen seb in ages, and rinda's lil brother Jem is a music buff and seb loves that.. Tomorrow im going over to see my nan and parsie who have been away travelling north for the past 3 months, so it will be good to see them and then off to Stay with Lee for the nite, and let the lil ones run wild :) I spoke to my sis on the phone last nite and her lil boy taj has been saying when sebbie come to stay, and he going to sleep with me :) So im really excited because i want them to be close cousins :) It was actually really funny because when i got on the phone he said wheres sebbie and i said hes asleep, and he said aunty nessie go and wake him up!!! I just thought that was so cute!!

well i better get going as its such a beautiful day out ther i thought i might walk back to work!!

See Ya

XMas List

Hey guys

I have started my dream xmas list at the side of my blog which when i think of something i need i am going to add too. Its not too far away so i thought i would get my ideas out there!!

Happy reading my family and friends

Its time to say Good-Bye

before i start this has some offensive langauge!!

So my head is a bit of a scramble at the moment, so much going on, but trying to keep positive about it all!

I have not had much sleep in the last 4 days, nor have i stopped drinking, and eating shit, which really hasn't helped my mood at all!!

Today i am at home with seb as he is not allowed at creche as he has been sick. Also over the weekend my relationship with adam came to a new stage. That its over!!! And even though its hard, i feel good about it!! Its the right decision... A few things happened over the weekend that made me realise that i don't have to put up with him anymore, his actions anything!

Friday nite i went out on the town with my friend Karen it was way heaps fun until i lost my brand new phone, but anyways i got home and i get this knock on the door about 4.30 in the morning, and it was adam, he came around because he thought i picked up and brought someone home, then on saturday night i went out with another friend of mine rinda, and just as we were pulling up in the taxi he was doing a drive by my house. so i rang him and asked what he was doing and he said seeing if i was home!! Like hello, stalker..... i was so mad at him!!! and then he tells me that i don't deserve seb as my son.. For fuck sake, it was my weekend off, i wasn't the one out driving while my son was at home in bed, and he tells me i don't deserve my son... (just let me make it clear that he lives with his sister who was home but thats not the point!!!) So that was kind of the last straw for me!!!

As much as i want my son to have his father and mother under the same roof it would all be for the wrong reasons!! Adam keeps saying what about seb, we need to do this for seb. But what about ourselves!! What about my feelings, my heart, my life???? Why should i be in a realtionship that makes me unhappy for the sake of my son??? I think the biggest thing that really sank in, was that i looked at like i love adam, but im not "in love" with adam and that makes all the difference to me!!!

it so emotionally draining and i know things will get better over time, i have a beautiful son, a loving family, fantastic group of friends, a fantastic job, and a new place, i just need to keep thinking of the positive and everything will be fine.

Well i might go and have a nap while seb is sleeping!!

Ciao

Ouch

My head hurts, im hung over, and dizzy but still managing to write this blog on this windy day!! so if it doesn't make sense that is why!!

Ouch because i lost my brand new F*%$ing phone last nite while out! :( i am guttered.... rang telstra the other day to renew my plan they said hey we will pay off your old phone and give you a new one for free. One of those Video phones i was like sweet!!! anyways got it and learnt how to use it and bang its gone!!! so now i have all these accessories and no flamin phone.... Anyways i might just go into telstra and get a phone on a plan :(

Ok well now ive had a sook i feel better!

have a good one everybody!!

The Lady In Red

Well i had an absolute blast in Ballarat on the weekend. I felt sexy and i loved my red dress!!! and i didn't break an ankle in my shoes!!! We left on saturday and where we stayed was beautiful. I drank beer all night!! and actually thought i would wake up worse for wear but i didn't.

Here are some photos of our night!!
this is me

this is me and my bro



So there is so pics... i had a ball dancing!!!!

On two good notes, i have just been on the phone with Telstra... to renew my plan and welll, i won lottery today!!! they are paying out my old phone $413 to go for free and i am getting a new c3 video phone for free!!! i am getting 2 months of music downloads for free and my 1st month for free which is $79.00!!! i also get 450 worth of free calls a month so im excited...

Allllssoooo today i got a phone call from the real estate agent and i have a new house to move into!! there has been so issues with this house, i am scared living here and i don't like my neighbours so me and my brother are going to move in together again, this time in a bigger house with more space for the 3 of us.. Im very excited!!!! Its a great opportunity for us both to save some money!!!! As i am heading overseas next year for 2 weeks!!

Well i better get my arse into gear and organise some things now!!

Talk to you all soon

Hello

I am such a slack arse lately!!! Ummm where do i start!!! Well lots has happened over the last week.. I went to Kyabram on the weekend to spend some time with my sister and we went to a ball that was awesome. Photos to come!!!! I got absolutely plastered and didn't get home until 5.30am in the morning!! Ohhh god i felt so old!!!!!! i don't know how people can do that every weekend!!!!!

I am very proud of myself! I ran on the treadmill at the gym last week for 20 minutes. First time i have ever done it!! i was so proud of myself!! I couldn't kept going but i didn't want to kill myself!!

Ummmmmm what else!! I caught up with Miss Beckie Boo on wednesday... Ohh what a blast of day we had today!!! I have another ball to go to this weekend in ballarat so we went shopping fo some shoes and had so much fun. thanks so much for your help.

so here are some photos and sneek peeks of what i will be wearing. The rest you will have to wait for!!! so as you can see the bottom of my dress and the shoes! stayed tuned

The Melbourne Zoo

What an awesome day! Adam and I took seb to the zoo for the first time. It was good to have a family day together :) Seb loved seeing all the animals especially the lions. They were going off tap. walking right past us roaring, it literally sent shivers down my spine, to have them so close....

I got a movie of the lions and once i figure out how to put it on i will upload it, unless anyone can tell me!!


This is seb with a baby baboon he was saying hello :)

Catch up

Well hello everybody!! What a busy time it has been for me! i have finally caught up with everyones blogs and how fantastic everyone is doing with weight losses.. Its fantastic.

I have had a dreaded sinus infection that has finally gone.. i felt like i had a migrane 24/7 in my forhead it was horrible!!!

Sydney was awesome, except that it rained the whole time i was up there, which sucked because back in good old Bendigo it was sunshine!!! I learnt lots more about being a chiropractic CA and becoming my confident in myself and in my work!!

Mmm what else, seb has just become so independent. as you will see from the photos, he likes to feed himself now!! Mmmmmm what a fun clean up job it is.

Cheeky lil bugger. I am getting him weighed and measured next wednesday its been ages since i have had it done, so it will be interesting to see!!! He is learning more words every day and it won't be long before he starts putting sentences together.

I got myself weighed today. Its been ages since i have updated you i have been oh so very slack. i weighed in at 74.2 and my body fat is at 41.1% !!!! i have lost 10.5kgs since i started.

Im feeling good within myself but i just want to reach goal and feel that extra good about myself. Beckie everytime you come into work you always complementing me, thanks so much, it makes you feel good....

I got a F&*%ing $290 gas bill in the mail the other day i was sooooo shattered.... os upset and so grrrrrrrr... when i don't have seb i am going to freeze as i don't need another one of those coming my way!!!!

I start extra shift this week at work which will be good money wise but will have to get my butt into gear and get organised.

Well its my day off today and i got all my washing done thank god, its such a beautiful day, i walked into town with seb which was good cause he had a sleep, and now he is having another sleep... I got a PT tonite :( arrggghh oh so not looking forward to it!!!

Well i might go and read a book and chill for a bit while lil is sleeping.

Take care everyone and ill try and post a lil more regular

Luv You

My god i didn't realise how long it has been since i posted last and so much has happened.

Right now i feel like someone has hit my over the forhead with a metal pole. I don't know what is going on with my head so this post won't be a long one as i really can't think straight at the moment

Firstly seb started saying love you last week. It sure brought a tear to my eye and just hearing those words come from his mouth makes my day.

I went to sydney on the weekend for work which was once again awesome! I love sydney.. i think i could live there.

I have been really naughty with my eating and excercising has been slack, but i have now set my personal goals each week with work which now is motivating me to move my arse into gear.

4 now that is it

Motivation

Ok so i got motivation. I was up at 5.30am this morning and went and did combat in at the gym, mowed my lawns and whipper snipped, had a massage, cleaned my house a lil and even had time to shave my legs. It was so good to have a day to myself to do what i wanted. Its been ages since i have done this. I feel really good.

I was suppose to go out for breakfast with my brother, but i came back home after combat and feel asleep and my phone rang about 9.30am and it was my brother asking where i was.. hehehe i had slept through the alarm.. i needed the sleep..


Well going to cook spag bowl for tea. Mmmm my favourite

Untitled

I don't know what to title this blog.... I just want to make it clear to people that read my blogs, that the reason i write my blog is so that i can get off my chest what i am feeling and to let the people who read my blog know whats happening in my life right now. You might not agree with what I do, and that the whole world can read about my life, but so be it, i choose to do it. Its also about getting support from other people who have been through the similar situations, its about supporting each other through hard times, through the weight loss through what ever. So if you want to go running back to people, about what i have written in my blog then so be it, because i really don't care and i don't have to justify myself, or what i write. If you have a problem with what i write then don't read it, also usually when i write about certain people in my blog i usually have spoken to them about it anyways. My feelings are my feelings and I choose to express them however i want. And this is the way i am choosing to express them.

Scattered Thoughts

I have just been reading becks blog, and how upset she is with herself about the way she looks etc. I have not known someone with the kindest heart, senerity and affection as she has, and to read about her being down on herself has touched me. The point i am getting at is that i posted a message to her. I have been reading a book by an inspirational man called Dr John Demartini. The book is called " How to make one Hell of a profit and still get to heaven". It is absolutely fav book and not only has it made me learn about money finance etc, it has also taught me about positive quotes, sayings etc and how the mind is so powerful. A quote i wrote to beck was " Whatever you think about, thank about, you bring about" This really gels with me, and hopefully it does to others, and hopefully people can see the meaning behind it. So i contridict myself when i said in my last blog that i felt like a fat hefalump in that photo. because if i think that i look like a fat hefalump then i am a fat hefalump. Does that make sense.

I have also learnt about stability and control, and self control, and how the universe won't let you expand if you can't control what you have at the moment, so for me, when i learn how to discipline myself with money and learn to save, then i will get more money, payrise etc. Please don't worry if none of this makes sense to you, and please know that i have not joined a cult or anything, i have just been doing alot of reading and watching dvd's with work and have learnt alot and how it applies in my life.

So for me to have stability and control in my life, i need order. I need order in my house, finance, emotions, physically, love life. So my first step was opening up a saving accounts that earns me interest to help me save.

I have laid down the ground rules with adam. I have said to him that i am sick of being in limbo land so you either want to be with me or you don't simple. I know where I want my life to head and I know what i need to fulfill it, so we both stop playing games and we sort out our problems and we be together or we part, and just be there for Sebastyn. I need happiness and love and support. He eithers gives it to me or he doesn't. and i move on.

I have a job that gives me stability and I love my job and i have so much room to grow and expand, and im determined to take my career as far as i can go now.

I am determined to get the lingerie business up and going with Beck, and make it happen and make it successful.

I want the best for my son and for myself, and to know that i am comfortable in my life.

I am determined to drop this last 10kgs that i have to go. for 5 weeks now i have been at plato. I have been lazy with eating, exercising, i need to get off my arse and do something about it! Be healthy, energetic, feel sexy, have self worth, confidence, not only for myself, but to be able to play with my son and my nephew. I want to be an active mother, Im young...

Wow my head feels lighter after spitting all this out!

The Ball, Geelong and My week

Hey Guys, glad you all had a good time at the bloggers meet, im sorry i could not be there but i ended up having to look after sebastyn. But next one ill be there for sure.

So the ball was great... i got plastered and ended up home at 2.30am. I was drinking vodka Freezes 7% alcohol so i wasn't surprised that i woke up feeling like crap and that i needed to have a spit :)

We had a beautiful two course meal i had chicken stuffed with rice and a cheeseeee sauce. And pumpkin soup it was soooo yumm..

I got up and had a dance and a mingled with the footy boyz and girls. They had a live band who must of been big fans of cat stevens because they played sooooo many of his songs... Overall it was a good nite and it was good to go out with Adam, even though i didn't see much of him. hehehe

Below are some photos from the ball! I felt like a hefalump next the girls cause they so little but i still felt great.

So its me on the left Beck and Kaz who are cousins.

I had some hollywood tape happening to keep my boobs in. If you want to look at the photo closer click on it.

So this is adam and I

So there is some pictures for you.

On wednesday i took sebastyn to Geelong i needed some R & R and it was the first time he had been at that beach and he loved it. He chased the sea gulls for ages and picked the sand up in his hands and would chuck it everywhere. Anyways back in our room where we were staying was a desk and chair. And Lil one has no fear whats so ever. We went shopping and i brought him some tic toc biscuits. anyways i said to him that he had, had enough but he was determined to get more. So below i took some photos of his determination.

Climbing on the chair getting the packet of biscuits

and standing

He has no fear and that scares me sometimes. He is always walking to strangers, waving good bye to people he doesn't know, i suppose its just part of him learning and growing up! He is saying lots of words now which is great and he is trying so hard to have a conversation with you but it won't be long.

My week has been good, i have actually been to the gym more than once this week. I have put my foot down and have got some extra motivation from somewhere so hopefully now i can get my arse into gear and lose this last 10 kgs i need to lose and hopefully get my body fat down.

Well im off to do some reading and have some quiet time since i have no child.

Ciao

My week of eating

I said the other day that i post what i have been eating, hoping that it will make me have some restraint on what junk i eat.. Well i think this week has been ok. I have not updated my weight in ages due to that i have not had a weigh in but i did on tuesday and it has stayed the same.

I have gone back on having slim shakes for brekfast now, to try and help with my weight lose as i was not eating breakfast and as you all know we need to have breakfast to kick of our day.

Wed

B/Fast
Slim shake
Lunch
Baked potato and hot chocolate
tea
chicken stir fry with hokiin noodles honey and garlic sauce

Thurs
B/Fast
slim shake
Snack
apple
Lunch
Left over stir fry
snack
dry fruit and nuts

Fri
B/Fast
slim shake
snack
dried fruit and nuts
lunch
chicken roll with lettuce
tea
maccas

So i think overall i have been ok...

Tonite i have to footy ball and i am so excited. i can't wait.... i will hae updates of pictures for you.

have a good weekend everyone
xxx

ONE dead mouse and my 100th Post

Sooo for my 100th post ill be talking dead mice :) I woke up this morning to give seb a bottle and low and behold there was a mouse in the middle of my kitchen floor. Its scrared the absolute shittaaaasss outta me!!! I took one step down and it didn't move. It was sitting there with its tail curled around. and i thought ohh my god its got friendly!!! So i got a ice cream container and put it over the top of it and it still didn't move and then put a huge container of water on top of that so it could go anywhere... I texted adam and said please come around and remove the mouse from my kitchen... and he did thank god otherwise it would still be sitting there dead....

Pest control will be around this week to bait my house and get rid of the rest hopefully!!!!

So hopefully there will be some peace and quiet in my house without mice :)


I have my first inspection for my house next month and I asked them today if i could put a sand pit in the back yard for sebastyn and they said yes so i think thats great.. gives him something to play with outside instead of going and hiding in the outside toilet all the time...

Well my day off today has been productive and lil man is having a sleep at the moment, and my dad and his wife are coming to baby sit this weekend, so im trying to get the house all cleaned :) hehehehe.... knowing mazza i will come home from my ball and the house will be spotless :)

Toodles for now!!

& House Keys Locked inside

Mmmm well as if my weekend wasn't an entertaining one, last night i locked my keys in the house. I actually think it was Karma!!! I had a fight with adam on sunday nite and told him to give me the spare key back so of course he did, and my luck my brother came around last nite so take me to get some tea and what did i do. walked straight out the bloody door without my keys!!!! I tell ya my head not screwed on lately!!!

Im enjoying walking everywhere. i was up and out of the house by 7am this morning! and the stars where still out!! Its a nice walk to and from work!! I have sebastyn this week so don't know how i will be taking him to creche on friday!! might be going by taxi!!!

Well i better go clean my house up before adam brings seb over!!!

Got the footy ball on saturday so will have to make sure i get some photos for you all

ill actually be in a dress, wearing make up and have my hair done.. so very rare for me, so make sure you treasure the photos :)

Chow

"Loose", Broken Car , Human Pooh

Mmmmmm what a fun filled weekend i have endured! I went to my sisters on Friday nite after work, to chill and enjoy some family company! It was a fantastic weekend until coming home today!

Firsty i learnt the new slang. just shows how much i get out. "Loose" is a word they use alot of there. "Oh my god shes is in "loose" form tonite".........

We went to the footy yesterday and that was, caught up with some people that i hadn't seen in a long time! then last nite we went out to the pub for a few drinks and a boogy! that was fun....

Lee drove my car down the street and parked it in a public car park. When we went to pick it up this morning some disgusting person decided to stand on my bonnet and do there numbers 2!! I was so disgusted... who the F&*%$ would do that???

Then driving home today just coming into Bendigo my car decided to die!!! Yeah great fucking car.. thank god my sister was following behind me.... i got out and gave it the biggest kick!!! Im over it!!!!! so now i am without a car for gods knows how long!!!! will be getting my exercise this week that is for sure.. So my great weekend ended in shit!!!

But on a good note my bro was in Bendigo playing footy today and my uncle so was good to catch up with the family, and my uncle finally got to meet sebasty because he has never met him.. so yeah..

well im outta here i can't be bothered writing anymore....

News has sickened me!

I have cried and I have been sickened by the death of an innocent 8 year old girl in Perth who was raped and strangled in a shopping centre yesterday! You sick bastered! How could any human being be so cruel and vial? When something like this happens to a child it really hits home and makes you think that that could have been your child!!! Male or Female.

Cherish every moment with your children family and friends because you don't know when it could be your last!

ok must go i have a teething screaming child sitting on my lap making it very difficult for me 2 write.

my thoughts are with the family in perth!

xxxx

Menopause?

Help me im starting menopause already!!! Well im home sick from work today as i woke up at 2am this morning wet from having hot and cold flushes all night!! My bodys way of getting rid of what ever bug i have in my system. I have gone through half a box of tissues already and have slept nearly all day today! thought i better wake myself up otherwise i won't sleep tonite.

Congratulations to Nic & Keith but i was really disappointed in her dress! with all the money that she has you would think that she would of had something modern. Puff Puff arms come one!! Anyways every taste is different i suppose.