Thoughts of the Moment

Oh my god im having a Posting obssession :) I just been doing lots of thinking since my last post and thought i would write it all down! Its been a year since me and "sperm donor" split, and what a battle that has been. I can't control my feelings anymore, my anger, my hurt and pain the happiness that the relationship brought me! (excuse the change of topic but i wish the possums would get off the damn roof )

Its so hard to believe that the happiness that we once had was gone in an instant! I know i had my faults too, and i know i shouldn't think what if but i do think wot if??? Where would i be today if we were still together, what would i be doing if we were still together, what if we were still together???

But then i think i should be grateful of what we had, because i have learnt alot about myself and i have a beautiful son that i treasure with all my heart. If i was with him today would i have the job that i have now? would i still be in Bendigo? would i be happy? would i have found out new things about myself? and for this i should be grateful for us breaking up, because i would be who i am today and i would have the things that i have today!!

I have finally stood up for myself and making a life for myself and not living out of someone elses pocket. Im not relying on someone to make the money and put the food on the table. Its me that is doing all of that, and knowing that i am doing this to the best of my ability, i am proud. Its hard being a single mum working and raising a child and trying to have a social life, having time to myself, all at once, but im doing it and i reconise now how much of a fantastic job i am doing. I shouldn't doubt myself, i don't have someone telling me everyday "God Vanessa your doing such a fantastic job"... and i do doubt myself but being here today and seeing what i achieved last year i shouldn't doubt myself anymore.

To have lost the weight that i have lost to date, even though i have a long way to go, to be coping with working full time and raising a child to having a roof over my head, late nites and sleepless nites, if i can cope with this i can achieve anything that i want to achieve!

I can do it attitude needs to be planted in my head. every morning when i wake up and look at myself in the mirror and know that i am going to do my job today to the best of my ability and know i have tried i should be proud. and im not just talking about my job, im talking my everything with my son, myself, my family, my friends, my day to day chores.

This year is going to bring bew begginings for me and new paths and new attitudes! I don't want to be a single mum for the rest of my life, i want to be a person who has achieved everything i set out to achieve, i want to be a somebody! I can be a somebody!!

If i wake up in the morning saying today is going to be a shit day well of course its going to be a shit day!! Im going to wake up with a smile every morning going what a lovely day it is today hail rain or shine!!!! Lifes to short to be sad and down on the world to feel sorry for ourselves. Things happen for a reason, people come and go in our lives for a reason, we learn from all of that!!

I have learnt a great deal, about my self confidence, my abilities and i thank you "sperm donor" for that because i wouldn't be the person i am today if we weren't together and i wouldn't have the beautiful son that i do today! Because all the challenges, the roller coaster road that we took i learnt from.

Nite