before i start this has some offensive langauge!!
So my head is a bit of a scramble at the moment, so much going on, but trying to keep positive about it all!
I have not had much sleep in the last 4 days, nor have i stopped drinking, and eating shit, which really hasn't helped my mood at all!!
Today i am at home with seb as he is not allowed at creche as he has been sick. Also over the weekend my relationship with adam came to a new stage. That its over!!! And even though its hard, i feel good about it!! Its the right decision... A few things happened over the weekend that made me realise that i don't have to put up with him anymore, his actions anything!
Friday nite i went out on the town with my friend Karen it was way heaps fun until i lost my brand new phone, but anyways i got home and i get this knock on the door about 4.30 in the morning, and it was adam, he came around because he thought i picked up and brought someone home, then on saturday night i went out with another friend of mine rinda, and just as we were pulling up in the taxi he was doing a drive by my house. so i rang him and asked what he was doing and he said seeing if i was home!! Like hello, stalker..... i was so mad at him!!! and then he tells me that i don't deserve seb as my son.. For fuck sake, it was my weekend off, i wasn't the one out driving while my son was at home in bed, and he tells me i don't deserve my son... (just let me make it clear that he lives with his sister who was home but thats not the point!!!) So that was kind of the last straw for me!!!
As much as i want my son to have his father and mother under the same roof it would all be for the wrong reasons!! Adam keeps saying what about seb, we need to do this for seb. But what about ourselves!! What about my feelings, my heart, my life???? Why should i be in a realtionship that makes me unhappy for the sake of my son??? I think the biggest thing that really sank in, was that i looked at like i love adam, but im not "in love" with adam and that makes all the difference to me!!!
it so emotionally draining and i know things will get better over time, i have a beautiful son, a loving family, fantastic group of friends, a fantastic job, and a new place, i just need to keep thinking of the positive and everything will be fine.
Well i might go and have a nap while seb is sleeping!!
Ciao
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2 comments:
Vanessa, they say that things happen when people are ready and I have always wondered why on earth you allow him to do what he does.
We teach people how to treat us. Til now, he has treated you like dirt, unless he wanted to buy your love.
His jealousy is NOT normal. It is dangerous. Have you considered what would happen if you DID pick up? Don't ever under-estimate a jealous man.
I don't like anything this man does Ness. If Mat ever told me I didn't deserve my son, it would be the last I saw of him for a long time.
Teach him how to treat you. It is not ok for him invade your life just because he has mistrust in you.
Man. I feel so protective of you right now. Sorry.
Thanks Beck, Please don't feel sorry for wanting to protect me, I just have to learn from this, and I will... If the time ever comes that another man comes into my life, he will have to deal with it. As long as i am happy thats all that matters to me
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