Off the Rails, and woffling on

Well only two more sleeps until i am quarter of a centuary old!! I am actually not looking forward to it at all!!! Why??? because i feel im getting old. Where did my child years go and early 20's??? mmmm I can't remember!!! Being a party goer, having a baby, working, Ohhh everything else in between!! what ever everything else is!!! To think back and look at photos of my life so far it is so amazing what your brain keeps in your head and the things that you don't remember or should i say don't want to remember!!

I only have a few baby photos of me from when i was little and to see how we change and grow into the person that we are today. Our bodies are so amazing!!

People have all these new years resolutions and i have been thinking about mine, and i really don't know what to say! firstly what i write i want to do, but at the moment i have no motivation so i will just keep thinking until i really know what i want to do and know that i will be able to do it. Its easier said then done for me at the moment, and i know if i put my mind to it i will do it!! but i don't know if my mind is ready to do it yet !! oh does that make sense??

Today my sister came and seen me on her way back from their holiday and we went out for lunch. I had the pleasant company of beckie and Bradman also!! Beckie you looked so devine today!! and your lil boy is just such a doll!!! if only my child would sit like yours :) LOL Please note that my child has been on red cordial all day :) hehehehe its only been since about 5 that he decided to pass out on the couch!!! i don't know where he gets his energy from i tell you!! My sister has a lil boy taj which i always talk about, anyways we all went in seperate cars and the whole way to lunch and the whole way back to my house seb was saying "taj taj taj" and taj was saying "where sebbie wheres sebbie". They are just so close and are so attached to each other it is just so cute but once they are apart they miss each other!! Funny lil buggers. Lee we should be so proud to have these two as our sons and nephews :) Its times like these that i wish our family was all in the same town and not so far away. My dad had been up for the last 2 days looking at seb and he loves hims "grumpy" my dads name to the child and when he left last nite he was so cranky that he had gone!!! I know we all grow up and we all have our own lives, but i love my family so much and i hate us all being apart!! So if you read this guys i miss yas all :)
It was nice having dad here and coming home to a clean kitchen etc especially after working!! i need a maid i think someone to clean and cook for me!! then i can come home relax and not have to worry!!!

My head is in 100 places at the moment and sometimes i don't know if i am coming or going! I don't know what direction in life i want to take!! i have come to a cross roads. I love my job very much and i love the people that i work with, but life is so short and i so feel like i am missing out on something, my heart is missing something, i don't know what it is though?????? It could be a mixture of things!! I hope soon that i can un jumble it all, or something happens that makes the decisions for me!! So many things that i want to do and so limited time and resources does make it hard!!! I would really love to back to school but when is the right time? I would love to travel the world but when is the right time? I would love to leave Bendigo, but when is the right time? I love my son very much but sometimes i think if i didn't have him things would be so much easier!!! I know that is horrible to say but having a son and shared care makes my decisions so much harder. Because i can't just up and leave, i can't just go to school, i can't just travel the world. I need to support him and myself and i need to be here for him!!!!!

When the timing is right i suppose i will know!!! maybe i won't go to school until im 50 who knows who knows what tomorrow will bring for me!!!

Well i think i have bored you all enough for the moment!!!

Time to go and read some blogs i think

Signing out
Ness