Eleanor Roosevelt:

The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences.

Monday, March 03, 2008

ObsessiveNess

OCD! Thats me, i now know where seb gets it from! I have hit my first big hurdle!!!! Mmmm its called self confidence! I have an obsession with my Donut belly! thats its new name "donut". would Anyone like to donate me some money so i can got and get donut liposucked :) Please im begging you! I know things take time and that i need patients.. PATIENTS!! WHAT THE??? that word is not in my dictionary! But i have now got to a point where im hating myself because of my donut!! Yes it has shrunk but not to my liking!

There is alot of weight on my shoulders at the moment and maybe because of that im having some self hatred and not looking at the positives. Maybe i need to sit down and think what have i achieved in the last 2 months since i started this weight loss where am i noticing the changes? But right now my head space and my donut keep bringing forth the negatives!

Its hard to have that control 24/7. I keep saying to myself i really should do this i really should do that but do i get off my arse and do it?? NO BLOODY WAY!! WHY?? because im obviously not 100% committed...

After another bash of tennis tonite, i was telling ails that i just want to stay in my room for a weekend watch TV, play FRAC on my computer and have no contact with the outside world! Thats how i am feeling at the moment. Im feeling smoothered! Has anyone felt like doing that before? How good would it be just to sit in your PJ's all day and not having to worry about anything and not do anything??

My motivation has gone out the window a bit, my lack of sleep is not helping that is for sure! Please give me some tips on how to shut down ones brain before going to bed? sleeping pills would be fantastic!! Maybe i could take a few and sleep a few days straight! Awwwww that would be so nice!! I went to the VIC markets a few weeks back now and brought some pure lavender for seb maybe i need to try it on me!!!

Im not feeling confident with my weigh in this week! I wouldn't be surprised if i put some more weight on this week with it being the end of TTOM, and eating two little blocks of chocolate, ohh don't you love emotional eating???? Ones self control has not been that controlled when it comes to food of late i can tell you that. And yes there is only one person to blame for that and that is me, and yes i take full responsibility for all the shite i have been eating. What good is it going to do to me? NONE i know that, but sometimes you need a bad day, you need to realise that you are only human and everyone slips up every now and then!! i recall reading somewhere that its a 70/30 rule. 70% healthy food and 30% bad food!!! I would say that i have been averaging that, otherwise i wouldnt be getting the results but over the weekend i would say i was more 70% bad food 30% good food. Time will tell what impact this has on my weight loss/gain this week, but really ill get over it!

It was nice to get into a bottle of booze over the weekend. Im glad the drought has ended... Not that i was really craving alcohol, some days after work i was i can tell you that! But knowing that i gave my liver a break makes me feel good!! Im not saying im going to be going out every weekend and getting myself smashed, i think those days have gone for me! I think im over that stage in life but every now and then would be ok, because it would be a cheap nite.... a few sips on the weekend did prove to me just how much your body changes and adapts to not having something!!

Im going to leave you with this quote that i found and has gelled with me today!

There are two things to aim at in life; first to get what you want, and after that to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind has achieved the second.
Logan Pearsall Smith

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Heya Ness, sorry to hear you are still not sleeping & feeling shite. You've been blogging about all the changes taking place in your life: this will surely place conscious & subconscious pressure on you & maybe contribute to the sleep thing. I guess you know this already, but don't beat yourself up too much. Take it one day at time. Sorry I cant be of more help. PS i love a weekend at home in my jarmies!!!! nothting wrong with that i say!!! PSS well done on the booze challenge! You ROCK!!! PSSS I have a meditation CD i can burn you & post to you if you think it might help with sleep - I use it as a distraction to whatever is overloading my brain & works sometimes (except when i have to wake up & take the ear buds out as they start to hurt!)

The Candid Bandit said...

Yeah, I've been there. It's like there is just too much going on and your brain won't stop at the end of the day. A pad and pen next to the bed helps. Write down anything you need to get out o your head ans stop thinking about.

Also, it really is a vicious circle. Late nights create a habit of late nights which set you up for short sleeps whih add up to our mental state. The doctor that helped with my post natal depression said Make a pact with yourself to get into bed before 9 every night for a week and see how that makes you feel. Let me tell you, it changes everything.

You may not go to sleep, but just the act of having a warm shower, grabbing a book and winding down then being in your bed by nine helps tremendously.

Well it helped me tremendously. Try it for one week. It will create a habit to encourage your brain to slow down and set up healthy sleeping habits for you to face each day with.