Rehab!

Okkkkk.. so i admit it!! i am a self proclaimed alcoholic right now :) If i stopped drinking i would probably lose 5 kgs! Im having a good time right now! i am enjoying going out and i am enjoying getting myself drunk and feeling shit the next day and waking up and wanting maccas or fish and chips as my hang over cure!! I am enjoying dancing and getting home at 6am in the morning! Is it right? probably not? am i hurting anyone? Yes.... myself so who has to live with that?? ME!!! I do!!!

I feel like i have gone off the rails! i admit that! i feel like i have got to a point in my life where i don't give a fuck anymore about anything..... I am feeling insecure about myself again, and who am I, and what i want out of life and where i want my life to go!! Its time for some soul searching again, where how and when i will do that, i don't know! My time is very limited right now, i find it hard to even have time to scratch my own arse.

I was saying to bekkie today!!! i am so tired and where has the me time gone??? LOL out the window!!!! My weeks with seb are my weeks with seb, my weeks without seb, i drink, go out catch up with my mates, and work, and i don't have my me time!!! am i making sense? I am missing my me time, but i don't like being alone right now!!! I don't want to be alone right now!! Maybe im scared because that soul searching will start when i am by myself, my brain will start thinking and i don't think i am ready for the answers just yet, because deep down i know what they are going to be and im not ready to face it!!

My head is so jumbled right now! My perspective on so many things is very fuzzy, I honestly thought that I was on track of things and knew the direction i wanted to take! Mmmmmm i have hit that fork in the road and don't know which way to go!!!

Something will happen and it will all become clear again i know, but until then, 1800 rehab/ show me the way......... is on the cards!! LOL!!!