Im trying to get my head around the fact that my ex boyfriend, very shy doesn't like to talk went out with a mate on Thursday nite and picked up. Yes thats right he PICKED UP!! for all of you who know him, thats not like him at all!!
After first telling me that he didn't pick up and i was like please stop lieing to me i have a gut feeling that something happened, so you should just tell me because eventually it will get the better of you anyway! So don't Lie!!! So then i got the whole story!! (By the way this is from a man who is still inlove with me thats wants to work things out with me)
"My mate went up to this chick and said hey see that guy over there he wants to kiss you" *as a joke* Next minute she was in my face and we kissed. I didn't want to, it meant nothing to me" by this stage blaah blaah blaah had set into my head..
Why was i feeling mad? Why was i feeling hurt? Why was i feeling Cheated? Hello if you didn't want to kiss her you didn't have to ! You have choices you know!!!
Its so funny because this whole time that we have been seperated, i have said this time is about me and getting to know me, and getting myself right because i have lost who I am!!! Not once was it ever on my mind that us seperating meant that i could go out and pick up!! It doesn't interest me! Men don't interest me right now!!! and i told him that over and over again, because he thought this seperation was about me getting my freedom and going out clubbing. Well i kinda rubbed that back in his face on Friday and said, just to let you know here you have been saying to me "you broke up with me because you want to go out and pick up blaah blaah", Ha what you just go do mate? If you cared about me and you wanted to try and work things out if you loved me, you wouldn't have picked up some unknown female! If she was in your face or not!
And the funny thing was that beck and I went out the other weekend and I had the opportunity to pick up, but I was like thanks but no thanks!!! It felt good to be wanted I tell you that!!! After so long of being with someone who rejected me and my needs every day, to know that I still have that *Mmmm* about me was good to know.
One thing that scares me is that I fell out of love with adam so long ago, but right now i feel hurt and cheated? Im questioning myself. Do I still love him? or is it just my feelings and emotions playing havic on me?